today is tuesday the 26th of july 2022. i’ve been drinking wine with cola since 9am. together with my pills it makes me pretty drunk. i’ve been trying to make a hiphop song all day. but it hasn’t been successful. until now this evening. i bought some samples for 10 dollars. from producers who work with all the superstars i’ve never heard a song from. but the samples are awesome.

what else can i say? i feel flat and like a loser. just like how chinese women would look at me in chinese culture if they knew me, as a delusional man and a left over man. yes it’s not easy to make a living in the midst of all the successful and married couples as a single man who claims to be irresistible and is not yet married at 45.

fortunately, i can watch the stupid show of the extremely successful presenter guido cantz tonight at prime time and think to myself while he’s doing his stupid show that i defaced the bed sheets with his wife before he even knew that his current wife existed.

and because i already know i’ll be sitting in front of the tv with a tired pretentious smile and feeling cool, i already feel cool.

and because this is an american website, after sending my remix through the ether, i will now fast forward to the end of christian cage’s 2006 wrestling world champion fight on youtube to see his wife, my first girlfriend denise, dressed up like an american and turning nerds’ heads.

i like to reminisce because i am just awesome.

what can i say? i am awesome.

who needs a future when you have a past like mine?