today is friday, november 04, 2022. yesterday i saw my 2nd psychiatrist. the one for forbidden things. he always prescribes me valium. by online prescription. to make it clear for the americans. valium is only prescribed for 6 weeks in germany. because benzodiazepines are addictive. and that’s true. because i notice it in myself. if my first psychiatrist knew that, she would send me to the devil. anyway, dr. mustache was sick, probably high on his clinical cocaine. anyway. now, thanks to valium, neuroleptics and red spanish wine with coke zero, i am so out of it that i share my thoughts and memories. while listening to creep by radiohead.

i have convinced my first psychiatrist and my pregnant psychologist that i am afraid of face masks because of corona. i am shit. anyway, after three years of sick leave, my early retirement application is going on. and i tell my love goddess: now i am an early retiree. and she says: no you make music that is heard worldwide.

i shit on you dear listeners.

conversation between me and denise reso, when she was still called hartmann, and not yet the wife of a famous american wrestler:

i only did that because it’s your birthday.

after she gave me a b.j..

conversation between me and kerstin ricker before she became the wife of a famous german tv host:

no, you don’t have to do that. just get on t8p of me.

and:

it’s so early for you to ask me if i’m using contr@ception. you jack@ss.

conversation between me and my second cousin:

when i get into b3d with my boyfriend it usually takes 2 hours or more.

i’m washing the sheets now.

conversation between me and the wh8re i could only give her less than what she usually asks for because i didn’t have more with me:

she kisses me up like a girlfriend.

and while i t@ke the other 21 year old wh8re from beh1nd, her fingers bury themselves in the teddy on her bed.

i thought that was so cheeky of you to just bathe with me. that’s why i got n@ked with you in the bathtub. your kaballah numbers are justice and enlightenment. says claudia, the german egyptian witch.

this is an impudence say me the turkish parents of aiche 2012. she is still….who do you think you are?

days later at my door. aiche’s mother with a bottle of alcohol: i have this, do you want to drink it with me? i close the door.

i wish you a nice life still says the 23 year old wh8re and stands n@ked in front of me, with whom i was just.

and now i’m making music with the voices of some female artists who give their shallow feelings, who can sing well, but can’t stop me from thinking i’m going to retire.
…

today is thursday, november 03, 2022. i just looked at the german spotify charts. kelly preston, no what’s her name she was always hidden somewhere in those little sensational reports in my news aggregator now? shania goller? no. i’ve seen her name on the net at least three times in the last week and once in a short segment on tv news. kailey swanson? no. taylor swift. yes, that’s her name. anyway, her new album went down in the top 50 in germany. either the clickfarms in india only have a limited number of employees and the main part of the clickworkers, who work for a dollar a day on old cell phones, was busy pushing all ten songs of britney lautner into the american billboard charts. or they wanted to concentrate financially, as far as clickbuys are concerned, mainly on north america. or chelsey burnter’s music isn’t that popular in germany. but that’s why she bought the billboard charts now. not her, her management. because the tender artist plants aren’t capable of something like that, it’s always the management’s business administration graduates who have to do it. anyway, i listened to tracy bellnock’s biggest hit for two minutes. hangman? no. ice cold man? no. cold hero i think. anyway at the beginning are the drums which are almost mono and then come the synths which oh surprise of course are spread wide stereo. and that’s it. no taylor swift sings of course. and because she is such a delicate little plant i assume about her mid-thirties hormonal love problems.

but it’s probably like that. since everyone has unlimited access to music and can listen to whatever they want, music has become so frayed. and since all the little gangster rappers and pop stars, or their labels, use asian clickfarm services, no one really knows what people really listen to anymore. probably the mainstream listener is just bored and only listens to music on the side.

and these poor ridiculous characters who call themselves popstars today. i don’t see them anywhere. in the city of youtube, for example, i never go to the g@y bars to listen to harry styles. so he completely passes me by on the internet. yet he’s the richest brit under 30. according to the rainbow press today. but i swear to god, i haven’t even heard a single song of his from the bluetooth speakers that are always carried around in the summer. nor have i heard anything from a car even once. the only thing i heard this summer was underground house and hiphop on the street. because with these newcomers who are labelled as underground and who want to become famous one day, the twens and 30s define themselves in order to stand out from the crowd. and because every day or every week 70,000 songs are uploaded to spotify with passable technical quality by now, the selection possibilities are great in order to stand out from the crowd with the help of the underground crowd.

i like it.

because since the mp3 and the current decline of meta’s facebook and instagram and the decline of google’s youtube, because tiktok is flattening everything and everything there is drowning in the mass anyway, there is nowhere left for the labels to put their pathetic pop and hiphop stars. space to make them known.

only with coups like the one of lacey shift. no taylor swift. and still everything for the @ss.

:)

…

today is wednesday november 02, 2022. it’s 8:30 central european time in the morning. i just made a remix for my ccmixter upload day. i had wild alcohol-fueled dreams tonight. now i have to take a shower. and after that at 11 o’clock i’m going to my therapy session with dr bliss. even though i never talk to my mother about it and she doesn’t speak english, she said last week: talk something constructive with your therapist, you don’t go on a date there. why does she think that? because i’m a bum who only makes fruitless music in his apartment. yes fruitless music. i’m a big fan of lisa’s acapella, otherwise i wouldn’t have made 200 remixes of it. but for relationship quarrels i’m too old with my 45 years. and that’s been the case for 10 years since the constant thorn of love no longer pricks me.

and the only fruitless thing in my life is, as i said, my music. it must be nice to be hormonally driven and to cause problems for a person and to get problems back from the same hormonally driven person. there arises a universe of stories that are infinite in number. and singers then bring their delicate processing to the fore in their music. and i make a remix out of it, because i like the sound of music so much and despite my fluent english i don’t listen to the lyrics but concentrate on the sound. then girl music comes out, which as i know from my own experience, only makes the german oriental dyed man women, the offenbacher wilhelminas fart. they only become soft and sl1ppery when the muslim hardcore rapper raps about selling drugs on the street, stabbings, fights, the house for mama, and the belief in allah.

as i said, with my music i create with the help of delicate american flowers in the middle of offenbach and frankfurt, the offenbacher wilhelminas and aiches only have to fart bored.

that’s why i speak of fruitless music on my part.:)))

…

today i’m listening to my remix with debenedictis all day. i’m sick of the gypsy song with the snake charmer hook that accompanied me during my full on intoxication the last days. and by the way i’m still on tiktok. my comment about the rapper xatar who now got a movie about his drug dealer career and about his money truck robbery and who also experienced a lot of racism and who i call final opponent wario is collecting likes diligently.

by the way, i was also once called nogger by an alman.

these traumatic experiences lead to other comments of mine on tiktok, but they are not as popular as wario:

for example, there was a street party in mannheim where orientals and arabs were dancing to oriental snake charmer music and germans were awkwardly dancing along. it moved me so much that i wrote:

there is nothing more heartwarming than seeing german pot@toes dancing to snake charmer music.

or the german girl explaining a gypsy tiktok. in the tiktok you can see a woman in a white wedding dress lying on her b@ck with her l3gs wide ap@rt. around her are many women with headscarves and snake charmer music. similar to the one i heard two days ago. anyway, the german girl explains in a stitch: this archaic video means that the bride and groom had a quarrel after the wedding night and now the groom’s family take out the white cloth from under the bride and examine it for traces of bl88d, which are supposed to prove the bride’s v1rginity.

between all the indignant comments of other young women, i added my comment:

you are antiziganistic. and then probably also antisemitic. because one goes hand in hand with the other. that’s what i learned in school. and furthermore you are racist towards islam. because there is this tradition there, too.

it’s 2022, people.

…

…

by the way, today was my therapy appointment with dr bliss. i was at her door at 10:59. my punctuality was taught to me by the german teachers. anyway, she says: it’s very nice that you’re so punctual, it shows respect towards me. she doesn’t read this. and anyway, that’s how we talk about the fact that i’ve been in the ward exactly once in 17 years. and she asks me why did you reduce your pills back then? we talked before about the average mentally ill person like the depressive, psychotic or borderliner who is in the psychiatric ward twice a year. anyway, she asks me why i reduced the pills back then and ended up in the psychiatric ward that way. i told her:

ten, twelve years ago, i was in my hormonal storm and rush period. and i was smoking pot and taking c8ke with good-for-nothings.

anyway, she is pregnant. i mean dr bliss. and she as a pregnant woman, but i think also women in general don’t like to hear it when you talk about hormonal instinct. anyway, she explained to me a little later about vitamin d, the hormone serotonin and the influence on me in particular and other people in general.

and i knew that this thing with my “hormonal youthful storm and rush time” made her uncomfortable as a pregnant woman :)))))