persephone piano
Kristian
today is january 04, 2023. a wednesday. today i have to see my psychologist dr bliss. today i want to scare her a little bit, being pregnant doesn’t mean being sick.
anyway, i tell her about how my father, god rest his soul, made a career as a mafiosi in the croatian underworld 23 years ago. and how i learned decades later that he was being watched by the croatian police. at least 23 years ago and in the years after that, my father was being watched by the croatian police.
at the same time, i had problems here in offenbach and frankfurt germany with the local criminal police who put me under pressure. they showed up everywhere i had business. anyway, this was dismissed as paranoia.
be that as it may. due to my limited room for maneuver, i decided to concrete the house of my parents i lived in at that time. i worked up an ffmi of 29 and became so incredibly strong and was able to endure the heavy neuroleptic medication that made me a zombie earlier when i had an ffmi of 18.
as i understood it at that time, the german criminal police assumed that i was something like a drug mule.
anyway, in 2012 i got acquainted with some drug dealers on the street who h8rt me badly with a stone. i guess that the police, if maybe not the trigger, at least agreed with this attack.
in any case, i fought back bl8ody in the center of frankfurt on good friday 2012. and since then peace, silence. no more paranoia. no more police, no more gangs, nothing.
so i got rid of my “paranoia” with unimaginable viol3nce against others.
anyway, my father was still involved in crooked business in croatia until shortly before his death in 2019, when he gave up his life and fell asleep peacefully on the couch in croatia and then his whole criminal life came to light.
i’ve written all this a thousand times here, but today i’m telling it to my gentle pregnant dr bliss, who otherwise deals with ordinary average mortals, like you.
depr3ssives, ch3ated on in marriage, hom8s3xuals about to come out in youth, burn out suff3rers, dr8g addicts.
all these little wimps whose life stories trigger a pregnant burp in my pregnant dr bliss.:)
i am a fallen god.
…
it is now five to three in the afternoon central european time. i am listening to my piano remix creep by radiohead sung by an asian american singer.
When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so f@ckin’ special
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I’m not around
So f@ckin’ special
I wish I was special
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here
…
today is january 3, 2023. i still have half an hour then i have to go to my psychiatrist ann katrin. ten years ago today i was in a psychiatric hospital for the last time and the only time in 18 years. i discharged myself after three weeks. i just left.
be that as it may. yesterday i saw a tiktok psycho in the ward recording himself for tiktok while he was having a breakdown. but that doesn’t matter, the average psychiatric patient stays in the ward for two months, is nursed up and then comes back after 6 to 8 months because he has stopped taking his pills. and the game starts all over again. his whole life long.
i, on the other hand, take my pills even if i mix them with alcohol, as i do today. and that really kicks in.
be that as it may. i’ll use snowflakes remix event once again to fill up the hard drives of the ccmixter servers with another masterpiece.
…
today is still tuesday january 03, 2023. now it is 11 o’clock in the morning central european time. i rode my pony to my doctor at 9:15. i arrived and there was a new nice lady in front a black african german with a nice german black african voice. melodiously deep. but i didn’t look at her because one of her eyes was fleeing to the right. anyway, my doctor made me wait. twenty minutes had passed when she came out and with her a mid-fifties woman with her husband. the german had a pink perm on her head and short dark brown hair on the sides. her husband or something came shuffling up next to her. skinny with his arms hanging by his side moving in slow motion. the neuroleptics must have had a resounding success. in any case, two it technicians arrived. both with printed t-shirts. i don’t know what was on them. something funny or thought-provoking and already slightly dirty jeans. in any case, both had the aura of not being too careful with their physical hygiene. one of them still had a long hair horse tail. in the color metallic green blue. just like the fat flies that like to fly around on excrement. these are nerds that tell you that you need a 5000 dollar pc every two years to consume computer games, while they laugh about my chinese 16 cpu thread mobile processor that i use to produce and occasionally consume music. anyway i was sitting there like this the producer of the song you might be listening to and many others with my freshly cut 1cm long black on the sides grey hair which i don’t need to comb and which always looks neat. in my black nike sweatpants and dark brown sweater with a black face mask and my kappa sneakers with the naked human couple on the side as a logo. the doctor put me off sour still a bit, I had an appointment two weeks ago to which I did not appear. anyway, she still had to write a free ticket to the psychiatric ward for the zombie man of the pink German.
after another 20 minutes, it was my turn. she laughed and wished me a happy new year. are you taking your pills? yes, of course. what about your pension? starts soon. then i’ll write you sick so the state will leave you alone. what do you do in your free time? music. that’s nice, so you have a hobby. doctor, today is my anniversary. ten years ago was the last time i was in the ward. and that was the only time in 18 years. and she laughs out loud. do you think i forgot that? doctor, do you know that i used to run around like a zombie 20 years ago when the medication knocked me out. back then i weighed 140 pounds and had an ffmi of 18. and later when i worked in my parents’ house and had an ffmi of 29, i didn’t even notice the pills anymore. and she smiles and says nothing. anyway, your blood counts are all fine. no sugar, no fat, no alarm signs anywhere. you are in great health. and according to the ecg from summer, you also have a strong heart. there is nothing wrong with your diet. yes i said my mom cooks well.
after she gave me my sick note with a smile, i left, got in my ford pony and drove home. went to the supermarket, bought two bottles of wine, three bottles of coke chips and a 30 pack of cigarettes. just like yesterday. just like every week.
and tomorrow, after i went to the psychiatrist ann katrin today, i have to go to eva kathrin, my psychologist, who will be leaving in three weeks for maternity leave.
anyway, i tell her about how my father, god rest his soul, made a career as a mafiosi in the croatian underworld 23 years ago. and how i learned decades later that he was being watched by the croatian police. at least 23 years ago and in the years after that, my father was being watched by the croatian police.
at the same time, i had problems here in offenbach and frankfurt germany with the local criminal police who put me under pressure. they showed up everywhere i had business. anyway, this was dismissed as paranoia.
be that as it may. due to my limited room for maneuver, i decided to concrete the house of my parents i lived in at that time. i worked up an ffmi of 29 and became so incredibly strong and was able to endure the heavy neuroleptic medication that made me a zombie earlier when i had an ffmi of 18.
as i understood it at that time, the german criminal police assumed that i was something like a drug mule.
anyway, in 2012 i got acquainted with some drug dealers on the street who h8rt me badly with a stone. i guess that the police, if maybe not the trigger, at least agreed with this attack.
in any case, i fought back bl8ody in the center of frankfurt on good friday 2012. and since then peace, silence. no more paranoia. no more police, no more gangs, nothing.
so i got rid of my “paranoia” with unimaginable viol3nce against others.
anyway, my father was still involved in crooked business in croatia until shortly before his death in 2019, when he gave up his life and fell asleep peacefully on the couch in croatia and then his whole criminal life came to light.
i’ve written all this a thousand times here, but today i’m telling it to my gentle pregnant dr bliss, who otherwise deals with ordinary average mortals, like you.
depr3ssives, ch3ated on in marriage, hom8s3xuals about to come out in youth, burn out suff3rers, dr8g addicts.
all these little wimps whose life stories trigger a pregnant burp in my pregnant dr bliss.:)
i am a fallen god.
…
it is now five to three in the afternoon central european time. i am listening to my piano remix creep by radiohead sung by an asian american singer.
When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so f@ckin’ special
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I’m not around
So f@ckin’ special
I wish I was special
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here
…
today is january 3, 2023. i still have half an hour then i have to go to my psychiatrist ann katrin. ten years ago today i was in a psychiatric hospital for the last time and the only time in 18 years. i discharged myself after three weeks. i just left.
be that as it may. yesterday i saw a tiktok psycho in the ward recording himself for tiktok while he was having a breakdown. but that doesn’t matter, the average psychiatric patient stays in the ward for two months, is nursed up and then comes back after 6 to 8 months because he has stopped taking his pills. and the game starts all over again. his whole life long.
i, on the other hand, take my pills even if i mix them with alcohol, as i do today. and that really kicks in.
be that as it may. i’ll use snowflakes remix event once again to fill up the hard drives of the ccmixter servers with another masterpiece.
…
today is still tuesday january 03, 2023. now it is 11 o’clock in the morning central european time. i rode my pony to my doctor at 9:15. i arrived and there was a new nice lady in front a black african german with a nice german black african voice. melodiously deep. but i didn’t look at her because one of her eyes was fleeing to the right. anyway, my doctor made me wait. twenty minutes had passed when she came out and with her a mid-fifties woman with her husband. the german had a pink perm on her head and short dark brown hair on the sides. her husband or something came shuffling up next to her. skinny with his arms hanging by his side moving in slow motion. the neuroleptics must have had a resounding success. in any case, two it technicians arrived. both with printed t-shirts. i don’t know what was on them. something funny or thought-provoking and already slightly dirty jeans. in any case, both had the aura of not being too careful with their physical hygiene. one of them still had a long hair horse tail. in the color metallic green blue. just like the fat flies that like to fly around on excrement. these are nerds that tell you that you need a 5000 dollar pc every two years to consume computer games, while they laugh about my chinese 16 cpu thread mobile processor that i use to produce and occasionally consume music. anyway i was sitting there like this the producer of the song you might be listening to and many others with my freshly cut 1cm long black on the sides grey hair which i don’t need to comb and which always looks neat. in my black nike sweatpants and dark brown sweater with a black face mask and my kappa sneakers with the naked human couple on the side as a logo. the doctor put me off sour still a bit, I had an appointment two weeks ago to which I did not appear. anyway, she still had to write a free ticket to the psychiatric ward for the zombie man of the pink German.
after another 20 minutes, it was my turn. she laughed and wished me a happy new year. are you taking your pills? yes, of course. what about your pension? starts soon. then i’ll write you sick so the state will leave you alone. what do you do in your free time? music. that’s nice, so you have a hobby. doctor, today is my anniversary. ten years ago was the last time i was in the ward. and that was the only time in 18 years. and she laughs out loud. do you think i forgot that? doctor, do you know that i used to run around like a zombie 20 years ago when the medication knocked me out. back then i weighed 140 pounds and had an ffmi of 18. and later when i worked in my parents’ house and had an ffmi of 29, i didn’t even notice the pills anymore. and she smiles and says nothing. anyway, your blood counts are all fine. no sugar, no fat, no alarm signs anywhere. you are in great health. and according to the ecg from summer, you also have a strong heart. there is nothing wrong with your diet. yes i said my mom cooks well.
after she gave me my sick note with a smile, i left, got in my ford pony and drove home. went to the supermarket, bought two bottles of wine, three bottles of coke chips and a 30 pack of cigarettes. just like yesterday. just like every week.
and tomorrow, after i went to the psychiatrist ann katrin today, i have to go to eva kathrin, my psychologist, who will be leaving in three weeks for maternity leave.