(Continuation of The Engineer scifi saga)

So on edge
I hate the sleep now
after so much
they bring no rest
I dream a collage
of memory, hope, and fear
One vista blurring into another

Faces become faces that are not faces
while familiar places
become mockeries of themselves
I run
I run
Fumble and fall
Fumble and fail
I hear them still
echoing in the fringes
their blood my sin
bloodless blood
in the frozen empty

As I stir into waking
I cry in my slumber
pure relief
soon I can work again
face the fixable
fill my hours with bolts and code
with patches and adjustments
and the occasional company
and song

But for decades while we drift
there is nothing but the noise of
dream
tears
fever

But I deserve it
and worse
no matter the logic
no matter the reason

Nobody hates me
more than me when I dream
before opting for short sleeps
was an act of joy
but now
after all this
it is how I hide
from myself
and the
tears
fever
dream